When a relationship feels like oxygen at first and a chokehold later, you’re not “being dramatic”—you’re being indoctrinated. Narcissistic abuse doesn’t look like a one-off bad boyfriend; it mirrors a cult: love-bombing as recruitment, rules that keep shifting, punishment for noncompliance, and a leader who claims to be the only source of truth and love. If you’ve ever wondered why smart, capable people stay, this is why. Lisa sits down with licensed therapist and author Vanessa M. Reiser, LCSW, to map the cult mechanics of narcissistic relationships: idealize–devalue–discard, the Pavlovian reward/punishment loop that forges a trauma bond, and the “double bind” that ensures you’re wrong whether you comply or resist. They dismantle myths (“I’d never fall for that,” “you could have left anytime”) and name what’s really happening—coercive control that erodes free will, isolates you from your reality checks, and keeps you chasing crumbs after a manufactured high. Vanessa shares clear, clinician-backed ways to reclaim yourself: depersonalize the abuse (“it wasn’t about your worth”), rebuild nervous-system safety, and replace the fantasy with facts. 

You are not weak for being targeted; predators select, condition, and confuse. Clarity is the exit ramp. With language for what happened and community that reflects your reality back to you, you can break the bond and rebuild a self that’s yours again.  

Resources mentioned 

• Vanessa M. Reiser, LCSW — therapist & author 

• Dr. Ramani — educator on narcissistic abuse 

• Dr. Nadine Macaluso — clinician speaking on trauma bonds

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